Captain Kirk has nothing on me.
A few weeks ago, I went jogging. A nice Saturday afternoon, leisurely 5 miler, to pray and think through the next days sermon.
1 1/2 miles in, I felt a little cramp in my belly and thought "hmmm, that's not good. I wonder if I should turn back?" Quickly I answered myself: "No way, I don't turn back!"
Every 1/2 mile after that, the cramps got worse. At the turn, half way through the run, the thought hit me: "I may not make it." The question of returning to my home was not the point. The question of making back to my home AND to my bathroom was seriously in doubt.
I thought of the run still before me. A long, straight road. No trees for more than half a mile. Hmmmm.
I kept running.
I kept looking for trees. Finally: There's one! Not enough coverage.
There's another: I'd be way too obvious. The cramps are hitting now, harder and harder. My breathing is shallow, I'm breaking out in a sweat. I'm taking small little tiny strides, but still - nature is winning the battle.
Finally, I remember. A few hundred yards, and there is an abandoned, decrepit old barn. I'll aim at that.
Finally! I jump off the road and over the fence - I'm sprinting now, to the barn. I am not going to make it!
Thankfully, there is a huge maple tree just ahead - perhaps I can make it there.
Barely if you know what I mean.
Approaching the tree is an explosion like none other.
Now, I'm behind the tree and trying to finish well. This is not a good scene.
A car is coming, so now I'm hiding and...
He's gone - now: to the Barn.
I spring as best I can, to the barn and make it inside. Safe. And now to survey the damage.
Well, the damage is, uh, pretty bad.
Using my T-shirt, I clean off best I can.
Then, I make my way back out to the road.
1 and a half miles to go.
I finish the run, careful not to wipe my sweating brow with my t-shirt.
