Friday, October 10, 2008

Go Where No Man Has Gone Before



Captain Kirk has nothing on me.
A few weeks ago, I went jogging. A nice Saturday afternoon, leisurely 5 miler, to pray and think through the next days sermon.
1 1/2 miles in, I felt a little cramp in my belly and thought "hmmm, that's not good. I wonder if I should turn back?" Quickly I answered myself: "No way, I don't turn back!"
Every 1/2 mile after that, the cramps got worse. At the turn, half way through the run, the thought hit me: "I may not make it." The question of returning to my home was not the point. The question of making back to my home AND to my bathroom was seriously in doubt.
I thought of the run still before me. A long, straight road. No trees for more than half a mile. Hmmmm.
I kept running.
I kept looking for trees. Finally: There's one! Not enough coverage.
There's another: I'd be way too obvious. The cramps are hitting now, harder and harder. My breathing is shallow, I'm breaking out in a sweat. I'm taking small little tiny strides, but still - nature is winning the battle.
Finally, I remember. A few hundred yards, and there is an abandoned, decrepit old barn. I'll aim at that.
Finally! I jump off the road and over the fence - I'm sprinting now, to the barn. I am not going to make it!
Thankfully, there is a huge maple tree just ahead - perhaps I can make it there.
Barely if you know what I mean.
Approaching the tree is an explosion like none other.
Now, I'm behind the tree and trying to finish well. This is not a good scene.
A car is coming, so now I'm hiding and...
He's gone - now: to the Barn.
I spring as best I can, to the barn and make it inside. Safe. And now to survey the damage.
Well, the damage is, uh, pretty bad.
Using my T-shirt, I clean off best I can.
Then, I make my way back out to the road.
1 and a half miles to go.
I finish the run, careful not to wipe my sweating brow with my t-shirt.

18 comments:

Smartline said...
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cj said...
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Ben said...

that t-shirt is dead to me.

alex said...

hilarious!

Kulio said...

I want to know the exact location of the barn so that I can put it on my "Never go there" list please.

:-)

hahahahaa.....

well-written :-)

Heidi Lee said...

P.U!!! I can smell it from here!!!

Jim said...

Mark and Mary,
It was great to see you both again at Adams wedding. I hope we can get together soon. I wish you and your family the very best for years to come.
Jim

Becky Fielder said...

Honestly I was actually excited to see you blogging again but now? That really stinks Mark

clear-az-day said...

That is so funny, but not in a good way for you. I'm so sorry that happened but at the same time I'm sure it makes for a great sermon illistration, lol. More power to you for not turning back.

Angela said...

this is like every runner's nightmare...I have many similar stories...except I always made it back home and into the bathroom, so...I guess it's nothing like your story...gross.

PFMC said...

Jrod - did you get the joke - just for you? Captain Kirk?

Liann said...

You kept the shirt?????

PFMC said...

Certainly! I love that shirt! And now, it has even more memories!

kool kenna said...

lol gross

Anonymous said...

Wayyy too much information. Next time simplify -- got cramps -- ran into barn - no more cramps.

GHT

perkypaula said...

Vulnerability and openness are good pastoral virtues - but I agree with Glenn...WAY too much information. (Although I could mention a time in McDonalds in Monroe....)

Lisa Y. said...

O my goodness!!! This is so hilarious. I'm sure most serious runners have similar stories. I know of two people who have sworn me to secrecy so I know it happens and it's always funny...to me anyway. Not so funny at the time though, huh? And not so funny in the laundry room later. :)

perkypaula said...

Now I know what kind of story it takes to get a lot of comments!!!
Paula